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People Like Food
Posted 01/07/2009 10:30 CST on The Onion
These days it's hard to get people to agree on things. Some people like wearing shorts all the time, but other people think you always have to...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/505393386" height="1" width="1"/
Area Teen Accidentally Enters Teen Center
Posted 01/07/2009 07:30 CST on The Onion
SANDUSKY, OHmdash;In a moment of confusion, area teenager Eric Dooley briefly walked into a local teen outreach center Tuesday, a place that...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/505269147" height="1" width="1"/
I Have Completed Stage One Of Our Plan To Take Over The World
Posted 01/07/2009 06:30 CST on The Onion
Bur #318 reporting: Primary objectives have been met. Ready Parent Organism Beta 51.2-6 for execution of Stage Two. I repeat: Stage One...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/505225617" height="1" width="1"/
China Cracking Down On Digital Pornography
Posted 01/07/2009 06:00 CST on The Onion
In order to "purify the Internet's cultural environment and protect the healthy development of minors," the Chinese government is targeting search...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/505206794" height="1" width="1"/
[audio] Robbie Knievel Plans Transcontinental Wheelie
Posted 01/07/2009 12:00 CST on The Onion
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redlandimg src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/504981454" height="1" width="1"/
Terror Experts Warn Next 911 Could Fall On Different Date
Posted 01/06/2009 06:30 CST on The Onion
WASHINGTONmdash;According to the Department of Homeland Security, the U.S. could soon find itself in a "very real" 5/25 scenario, as well as a potential 3/7 situation.img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/504791193" height="1" width="1"/
Single-Engine Cessna Crashes Into Bush
Posted 01/06/2009 09:00 CST on The Onion
CAMP DAVID, MDmdash;The Federal Aviation Administration said engine failure was to blame for a pilot losing control of a four-seater Cessna...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/504375895" height="1" width="1"/
Franken Likely Winner
Posted 01/06/2009 06:00 CST on The Onion
After nearly two months of recounts, Al Franken is the likely winner of the contested Minnesota Senate race. What do iyou/i think?img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/504265996" height="1" width="1"/
[audio] Scientists Discover Pumpkin-Pie-Based Cancer Cure
Posted 01/06/2009 12:00 CST on The Onion
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redlandimg src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/504056460" height="1" width="1"/
Lazy Daredevil To Lie Across 12 Couches
Posted 01/05/2009 08:07 CST on The Onion
LAS VEGASmdash;In his greatest feat to date, lazy daredevil Pete "The Idler" Nucci will attempt to lie across 12 couches in under an hour this...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/503421084" height="1" width="1"/
Survival Of Autoerotic Asphyxiation Closest Thing Man Got To Christmas Miracle
Posted 01/05/2009 07:32 CST on The Onion
DUNDEE, ILmdash;"This is what Christmas is all about," said a police investigator, who found the unconscious body after responding to complaints of a loud crash.img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/503400058" height="1" width="1"/
Testosterone Patch Revives Female Sex Drive
Posted 01/05/2009 06:00 CST on The Onion
A study published in iThe New England Journal Of Medicinei says that postmenopausal women experience an increase in libido with a testosterone.../i/iimg src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/503400059" height="1" width="1"/
[audio] NASA Embarks On First Mission To Iowa
Posted 01/05/2009 12:00 CST on The Onion
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redlandimg src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/503400060" height="1" width="1"/
Two Out Of Three Ain... - Meat L...
Posted 12/20/2008 11:43 CST on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
In all likelihood a childhood nickname, the tag stuck, and many puns followed as the performer -- who tipped the scales at well over 300 pounds -- became one of the biggest chart acts of the 1970s before ...
Dame Judi Dench Begins Dating Female DJ
Posted 12/19/2008 07:00 CST on The Onion
LOS ANGELESmdash;Dench surprised the media when photos emerged of the classically trained actress and a younger female DJ canoodling in L.A. hotspot Chateau Marmont.img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/489640781" height="1" width="1"/
America's First Gay President Concludes Historic Second Term
Posted 12/18/2008 09:00 CST on The Onion
WASHINGTONmdash;President George W. Bush was unusually reflective in the final weeks of his administration, taking time during speeches and press conferences to look back on key decisions, expound on his legacy, and tout his role in paving the...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/488750433" height="1" width="1"/
Hurriphoonado Cuts Swath Of Destruction Across Eastern, Western Hemispheres
Posted 12/18/2008 07:00 CST on The Onion
WASHINGTONmdash;Leading meteorologists classified the hybrid storm as an F4 tornado, Category 5 hurricane, and Level 7 redemptive act of God.img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/488648286" height="1" width="1"/
Typo In Proposition 8 Defines Marriage As Between 'One Man And One Wolfman'
Posted 12/17/2008 02:00 CST on The Onion
SACRAMENTO, CAmdash;Activists on both sides of the gay marriage debate were shocked this November, when a typographical error in California's...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/487949608" height="1" width="1"/
Area Woman Becomes Republican Vice Presidential Candidate
Posted 12/17/2008 09:00 CST on The Onion
WASILLA, AKmdash;In a dramatic capper to a year that already saw her son's hockey team go to district finals, a successful remodeling of the den,...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/487713262" height="1" width="1"/
Barack Obama Defeats Barack Hussein Obama
Posted 12/17/2008 07:00 CST on The Onion
WASHINGTONmdash;According to sources, the socialist Muslim Barack Hussein Obama came out of nowhere in late 2007 and threatened to end the Illinois senator’s campaign.img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/487608432" height="1" width="1"/
700 Billion Bailout Celebrated With Lavish 800 Billion Executive Party
Posted 12/16/2008 07:00 CST on The Onion
GEORGE TOWN, CAYMAN ISLANDSmdash;4-tons of Beluga caviar and $250,000 bottles of vintage Dom Pérignon were on hand for America's CEOs to celebrate the historic bailout.img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/486607165" height="1" width="1"/
Scientists Warn Large Earth Collider May Destroy Earth
Posted 12/15/2008 07:00 CST on The Onion
BATAVIA, ILmdash;In October, Fermilab scientists joined a growing number of physicists around the world in warning that the Very Large Earth Collidermdash;a $117 billion electromagnetic particle accelerator built to study astronomical phenomena...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/485534442" height="1" width="1"/
China Hosts Realistic-Looking Olympics
Posted 12/15/2008 07:00 CST on The Onion
BEIJINGmdash;Long after the closing ceremonies of last August's XXIX Olympiad, participants and spectators from around the world were still talking about the incredibly lifelike, almost realistic atmosphere the nation of China was able to bring...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/485534443" height="1" width="1"/
Loose Ball Evades Entire NBA
Posted 12/11/2008 06:00 CST on The Onion
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJmdash;A Devin Harris three-point attempt that caromed wildly off the back of the rim during the third quarter of Wednesday night's New York Knicksmdash;New Jersey Nets game has created a disruption involving the entire NBA,...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/481602830" height="1" width="1"/
NFL Goes On Nationwide Crime Spree As Plaxico Burress Creates Diversion
Posted 12/04/2008 06:00 CST on The Onion
NEW YORKmdash;NFL players were quick to capitalize on the distraction Plaxico Burress created by shooting himself at a Manhattan nightclub last weekend, embarking on a crime spree that has claimed an estimated 300 lives and inflicted more than...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/474616442" height="1" width="1"/
Meat Loaf Again
Posted 11/30/2008 02:00 CST on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
He's a Texas boy who sings about experiences that are universal from coast to coast and beyond, but New Jersey is near and dear to the heart of Meat Loaf.
That One Kid In Rec Basketball League Always Wearing Jeans During Games
Posted 11/27/2008 06:00 CST on The Onion
CARMICHAELS, PAmdash;Sources confirmed yesterday that the kid in the Carmichaels YMCA youth basketball league, the one who plays for the team in yellow jerseys sponsored by Grimaldi Dental Associates, played another game Tuesday wearing blue...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/467272253" height="1" width="1"/
SwanShadow Gives Thanks: Gratitude Times Five
Posted 11/27/2008 04:23 CST on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
I can scarcely believe this is the fifth edition of our annual alphabetical outpouring of TurkeyFest appreciation here at SSTOL.
Jimmie Johnson's Car Put Out To Stud
Posted 11/20/2008 06:00 CST on The Onion
CHARLOTTE, NCmdash;Hendrick Motorsports confirmed what many NASCAR fans had suspected all season, announcing Wednesday that Jimmie Johnson's number 48 Chevrolet Impala would be put out to stud, ending its career in stock-car racing and living...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/459506072" height="1" width="1"/
Cavaliers Declared NBA Champions As Basketball Knocks Off Early
Posted 11/13/2008 06:00 CST on The Onion
NEW YORKmdash;A happy, triumphant, and visibly relieved LeBron James accepted the 2009 NBA Championship trophy from commissioner David Stern at a small ceremony in New York Wednesday, just hours after the NBA announced that it would be canceling...img src="http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.theonion.com%2F"~r/theonion/daily/~4/451760475" height="1" width="1"/
Meat Loaf will perform at Pechanga Resort and Casino in Temecula
Posted 10/31/2008 06:21 CST on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
When Meat Loaf is on stage at Pechanga Resort and Casino in Temecula tonight, he wants you to believe him.
Meat Loaf does a Halloween show at Pechanga.
Posted 10/30/2008 11:04 CST on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
When Meat Loaf is on stage at Pechanga Resort and Casino in Temecula tonight, he wants you to believe him.
Solar Culture bill will include Parts Labor
Posted 10/30/2008 01:52 CST on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
Brooklyn's Parts & Labor, due at Solar Culture on Wednesday, is touring to promote "Receivers," its excellent, melodic album of eight songs that jump from gorgeous atmospherics to upbeat pop to stomping rock.
Meat Loaf not on menu tonight at the State Fair
Posted 10/30/2008 01:50 CST on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
No one will be seeing paradise by the dashboard light tonight. Iconic rocker and "Rocky Horror Picture Show" star Meat Loaf has begged off his concert at the Arizona State Fair in Phoenix.
Top 10 music events
Posted 10/22/2008 10:59 CDT on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
Meat Loaf Veterans Memorial Coliseum 1826 W. McDowell Road, Phoenix. 602-252-6771 7 p.m. Oct.
Last Night: Meat Loaf at Pompano Beach Amphitheatre
Posted 10/19/2008 07:39 CDT on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
Meat Loaf and the Neverland Express rocked the Pompano Beach Amphitheatre Saturday night.
Meat Loaf kicking off new string of shows
Posted 10/18/2008 05:44 CDT on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
When it comes to explaining lust or loss, nothing fits the bill better than a song by Meat Loaf.
current events, culture, commentary, community
Posted 10/17/2008 04:49 CDT on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
When it comes to explaining lust or loss, nothing fits the bill better than a song by Meat Loaf.
Blind Before He Stops
Posted 10/15/2008 02:22 CDT on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
B at out of Hell 3 , Meat Loaf's latest album, is already old news, insists the legendary rocker, AKA Michael Lee Aday.
Meat Loaf to paint the town red
Posted 10/15/2008 07:16 CDT on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
Cher . Prince . Madonna . Meat Loaf . These one-named wonders still pack in the fans.
ANTHRAX Guitarist To Guest On 'Best Damn Sports Show Period'
Posted 10/14/2008 03:09 CDT on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
ANTHRAX guitarist Scott Ian will guest on the "Best Damn Sports Show Period" on the Fox Sports network tomorrow night .
359 more music events today
Posted 10/12/2008 12:17 CDT on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
Bat out of Hell 3, Meat Loaf's latest album, is already old news, insists the legendary rocker, AKA Michael Lee Aday.
Meat Loaf
Posted 10/12/2008 12:17 CDT on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
Bat out of Hell 3 , Meat Loaf 's latest album, is already old news, insists the legendary rocker, AKA Michael Lee Aday.
Meat Loaf Hospitalized for 3 Days in London
Posted 10/10/2008 02:16 CDT on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
A publicist for Meat Loaf said the 57-year-old rocker was hospitalized in London for three days following an awards ceremony earlier this week.
Meat Loaf still a classic act
Posted 10/09/2008 04:59 CDT on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
Meat Loaf, attending some awards ceremony in London the other night, had to be rushed to hospital after he suffered a "vertigo attack." I suppose he was made dizzy by his own flaky behaviour during the evening.
Scurrilous: Chicago's No. 1 couch potato
Posted 10/09/2008 04:28 CDT on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
Meat Loaf, attending some awards ceremony in London the other night, had to be rushed to a hospital after he suffered a "vertigo attack." I suppose he was made dizzy by his own flaky behavior during the ...
ANTHRAX Guitarist's 'Aruba Poker Vids' Posted Online
Posted 10/08/2008 01:45 CDT on Search for Meat Loaf Aday
ANTHRAX guitarist Scott Ian has posted some of his "Aruba poker vids, including Hellmuth 's penthouse party and playing on top of a swimming pool." Scott added, "Rough life, I tell ya." To see all of Ian 's ...